CASH DIET

At the beginning of the month I told my six year old and my husband that we were on a “cash diet”. With the economy the way it is, I think that we need to tighten the spending belt and eliminate our frivolous spending. No more daily trips to 7-Eleven for a Slurpee™, no more eating dinner out five times a week, and no more “prizes” when we go grocery shopping. It is amazing how much money you can save just by cutting those things or reducing them. I am embarrassed to even say how much money we spend on non-essential items each month.

I didn’t realize that my daughter translated this as “we are poor” until a couple of weekends ago when she went to a friend’s birthday party. Upon picking her up, the mom told me that she was still laughing because my daughter told her that she was going to have to sell some of her colorings to earn money for us because we have a house that costs $25,000 (whole other story!) and we were poor. She continued to tell her how we were on some kind of diet! I could have died, but I laughed instead.

Last night I was looking through old pictures I had scanned on my computer when my daughter saw my high school senior picture and asked me to print a copy out for her. I did, thinking she just wanted it to look at. Later that evening she came to me and said, “Mom, I think you need to print me out a bunch of these so I can sell them to the neighbors.” I just started laughing! I told her that she did not need to go door to door selling my picture. Could you imagine that? I mean, I know I looked good, but really, how much money would my picture bring in?

It does warm my heart that my daughter wants to contribute to the family budget. Kids need to learn that money does not grow on trees and that you don’t get everything you want when you want it. I told my husband we need to help her set up a Lemon-Aide stand so she can feel like she is contributing. At the same time I don’t want her to worry about our finances. It is a difficult lesson to teach a child especially when she is used to getting everything she wants.

The funny thing is that this morning when I got up I saw that she had hung my picture on the outside of her bedroom door for all to see. What can I say? My daughter loves me! Am I lucky or what?

HALLOWEEN

This past weekend my sister took my daughter and my nieces to Boo at the Zoo. The girls were so cute. They got all dressed in their costumes and posed for me before they left.

Halloween is coming soon and I am so ready! I remember being young and all excited about Halloween and trying to decide what costume I was going to wear. This will date me, but we used to get those cheap store bought costumes that had the plastic masks and my mom would modify them. I always wished that my mom sewed because I wanted a nice homemade costume like my friends. What is funny now is that my daughter would rather have a cheap looking costume from that store than a good homemade costume! I dont' get it.

This will be our first Halloween in our new neighborhood so I hope I have enough candy. I always worry about that. One year I made the mistake of handing out whole candy bars. Apparently the word got out around the neighborhood because the previous year I had maybe thirty trick-or-treaters but that year we ran out of candy. My mom started raiding my pantry and was handing out packages of popcorn. When I asked her why she didn't just turn off the lights and not answer the door, she said that she did but the kids just kept coming! So, I made a promise to myself that I would never hand out whole size candy bars again!

My sister-in-law's birthday is on Halloween, so every year we head over to their house with the apple crisp I have made to celebrate. Before we have hot apple crisp and cinnamon ice cream we take the kids trick-or-treating in their neighborhood.

By the time we return home I am so ready for bed and I am always glad that Halloween is over!

WORDS OF WISDOM

Kids say the funniest things! Earlier this evening we were driving home and my six year old daughter and her 7 year old cousin were discussing what you do in case of an earthquake and in case of a fire. My niece asks, “Aunt Shell do you know what you do when you are trapped in a fire?” I replied, “No, what do you do?” Her response, “You die!”

I am still laughing about that. She also told us that if the door handle is hot “You’re a goner.” Do they teach this in school when they are doing fire drills because I don’t remember learning that!

At least I got a good laugh!

LINE BUTTING AND OTHER TRAVEL PET PEEVES

Last week I was on travel to DC for work and I experienced one of my travel pet peeves twice – line butting. When you come upon a long line of people standing at the curb waiting for the shuttle do you really think we are standing there just for the hell of it? It really pisses me off when I have stood in line for two shuttles and this one jerk walks up, looks at us, and heads to the front of the line! I want to scream, “Hey! Jerk! Do you think this line is just for fun?” Instead, I stand there silently fuming like half the other line standers as the line butting jerk enters the shuttle first!

Another travel pet peeve I have is seating space on the airplane. Have you ever noticed no matter how fat or skinny you are you still end up squished hip to hip? This is not what bothers me, what bothers me is when the person whom you are temporarily attached to for a five hour flight acts as if you have some deadly disease and recoils from your leg or hip touch. Let’s be realistic here. You are on a plane in a seat with about 12 inches of space for your ass – some body part is going to make contact! Get used to it and deal with it! I refuse to hold my legs tight for five hours causing muscle cramping just so you aren’t touched by a stranger. If you are that OCD, then get a first class ticket!

The flight that I take home from DC is always over booked, so I expect to be uncomfortable on the flight. On one trip I had the misfortune of being seated in the middle seat – this is the worst seat to be in on a full flight and if you ask me is just the worst seat period! Anyway, as I boarded the plane I realized that the extremely large man seated in the aisle seat and taking up half of the middle seat was in my row! Not being a small person myself I knew this would be a fun trip and was praying for a skinny person to be seated in the window seat. Alas, it was not to be my fate as on walks this tall, big boned Polynesian woman indicating that she had the window seat. I was prepared to be totally miserable sandwiched in the middle seat for five long hours. Fortunately, the woman was very friendly and had no problem if any part of me touched her. In fact she apologized ahead of time for being squished and told me not to worry about touching. Finally a fellow traveler who understood the inevitability of being temporarily attached at the hip! Still, the trip was a miserable one because one side of me was suctioned to the big man from sweat! I know – gross! But it is true.

EVERYTHING IS LOOKIN' GOOD

Yesterday I was sitting in the recliner bemoaning the fact that I felt like crap, when my daughter comes running out of the other room all excited. She grabs the remote to the TV and says, “Mom! Mom! You have to see what is happening!” as she turns the channel to a local news station.

By her excitement I thought maybe there was a news flash with breaking news. Then she says, “They said, ‘Everything is lookin' good today’! Mom, everything is lookin' good!”

I am still laughing about that one. I think we often forget that kids can be the best source of humor. She definitely brought a smile to my face. Even now as I remember the sparkle in her eyes and her dimples flashing along with her body trembling in excitement it makes me feel all warm inside to know that she can get that happy about the world.

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES

Have you ever noticed that kids say the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times leaving you utterly embarrassed and at a loss as what to say?

Yesterday I took my daughter to 7-Eleven to get a Slurpee. While we were waiting for my credit card to process she opens her mouth and out spills every minute detail about anything and everything she has ever heard! Normally I just ignore her, but at the end of her dialog she blurts out, “and my uncle is in prison.” As if that is a very important piece of information required for our purchase! I just smiled and pulled her out the door. I have tried to explain that she doesn’t have to reveal every detail of our families’ lives to the whole world.

Later that day, having forgotten the embarrassing moment at 7-Eleven, we went to Walmart where we met my sister. My daughter loves her aunt very much and sometimes I think she prefers her over me, so she immediately attached herself and off they went on their merry way to shop. Later we met to check out together. My sister was in front of us paying for her stuff when my daughter says to the cashier, “This is my aunt. Her house is little and dirty.” Ask me if I wanted to die. My sister starts laughing hysterically while my husband and I stand in line red faced.

As we were checking out we were apologizing profusely to my sister who told us that we should never feel we have to apologize for our daughter because she knows she speaks her mind and that is just her and she was telling the truth -- her house is small and it is always dirty when my daughter goes over.

I try to limit my daughter’s exposure to adult conversations lest she repeat it verbatim in public. I have taken to spelling, but I fear that won’t last too long as she is in school and will be able to spell before we know it. If my mom were still alive I would have immediately told her sorry for all the times I did the same thing to her as a child! I know she would have gotten a good chuckle out of the whole thing.